Talk to me
by strwbrygrl77
Summary: Post-Need to Know. Castle and Beckett attempt to pick up the pieces and move forward after she's terminated.


**A/N: Hello, readers! New fandom for me - I discovered 'Castle' over the summer hiatus and am officially obsessed with Caskett. I'm so happy that Marlowe has a couple that he's not afraid to have together on TV and tell their story. I hope you enjoy my first Castle fic!**

* * *

**October 7, 2017**

"MOMMY!"

I reached out a hand to control AJ's descent from his stepstool in his eagerness to run to Kate. Breathing a sigh of relief that I had prevented our son from landing on his head, I turned to place our homemade pizzas in the oven and listened to the sound of giggles and squeals behind me with a light heart. It wasn't often that Kate made it home before AJ's bedtime and I hoped that she didn't have bad news about her current trial. But when I turned around, I was met with her sunny smile and I knew that things were all right.

"You're home early."

She leaned in and kissed me briefly, pulling away before AJ could swat at either of our faces. "Yes, he made a deal."

I quirked an eyebrow at her as I got down a wine glass and opened the fridge. "And how do you feel about that?"

She shrugged and set AJ down as he began to squirm in her arms. AJ took off with a war whoop, heading for the LEGO castle we had been building before starting the pizzas. Kate winced as the sound echoed off the high ceilings of the loft before she moved to wrap her arms around my waist. "I don't want any wine."

My fingers stilled on the bottle. "What do you want, Kate?"

She grinned up at me. "You."

I groaned as I turned to bury my hands in her hair. "You can't talk to me like this when AJ's in the next room."

"We could always just cuddle, Castle."

I laughed and tugged her closer. "You have a very dirty mind, Katharine Houghton Beckett Castle – and you also have flour handprints on your pants."

Gasping, she pulled away to look down at her clothes. "Rick! You could have stopped him-"

I snorted as I poured myself a glass of wine. "Our little tornado? Yeah right, Kate. Don't worry, your pants will wash and if they won't, just buy a new pair."

"But this pair cost-"

I silenced her with my lips. "It doesn't matter – my money is yours now, remember?"

She snagged the wine glass from my fingers and took a sip. "I just can't get used to the fact that I'm –" she bit her lip.

"Rich?" I smiled.

She grimaced. "Not poor," she corrected, taking another sip. "I've spent my entire adult life living paycheck to paycheck and then one day I bring in a NY bestselling author for questioning and my whole life is turned upside down."

I took the wine glass back, keeping hold of her hand so I could play with the pair of rings on her ring finger. "I'll never forget that launch party – I remember telling Alexis that the reason I killed off Derek Storm was because I knew everything that was going to happen before it happened – there weren't any surprises. And then you said my name and flashed your badge and MY life turned upside down." I stole a quick kiss as AJ suddenly ran back into the kitchen, circled around us and ran back out, flying some LEGO ship.

Kate laughed. "Do you think he's going to stop moving long enough to eat?"

"Well, you used to say I was a nine year old on a sugar rush-"

She sighed. "Yes, and now I have a three year old on a sugar rush."

I steered her towards the living room. "Do you know what today is, Kate?"

She frowned. "October seventh?"

I sat down on our plush couch and Kate kicked off her low heeled half boots. She tousled AJ's red curls as he made another flyby before curling into my side, tucking her feet underneath her, resting her head on my chest.

"It's been four years since-"

"Rachel came here and told me I was fired," Kate finished softly. "Actually, I had forgotten. That's progress, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. This day has haunted you for the past three years."

"Well, I'd never been fired before – and it went in my permanent file. I didn't know what I was going to do." She tilted her face to look me in the eye. "But you were there to catch me – thank you for that."

"Always – I'll always catch you, Kate."

She lifted a hand and cupped my cheek. "I know."

* * *

**October 7, 2013**

"Beckett, I want you to know that I tried to explain the circumstances – but while our bosses understand and admire what you did, they're concerned that you're not the right fit for the agency in the long term. I'm sorry."

My eyes darted from Rachel McCord standing in the doorway to my fiancée standing still as a statue next to the couch. I wanted to scream at Rachel, tell her that she was wrong – that Kate would be the best damn agent they'd ever seen and they had no idea what they were throwing away – but the look in Kate's eyes stopped me. To the casual observer, her pain was carefully hidden behind her brave cop persona. But I had seen through her walls a long time ago, I knew her 'tells' and I knew that she was just moments away from crumbling.

"I appreciate you coming to tell me yourself, Rachel," Kate whispered. "And for all that you taught me."

A spasm of emotion crossed Rachel's face. "Kate, I-"

"Have a good flight." Kate nodded as she moved towards my study, out of sight.

"Well," Rachel fidgeted as she looked at me for the first time. "I guess I'll be going."

The anger was still coursing through me, but I knew I should say something. After all, this woman had been Kate's partner for nearly three months. "Agent McCord?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for having Kate's back in DC."

A brief smile crossed Rachel's face. "It's my job, Castle, but you're welcome. I – you'll take care of her?"

I nodded. "Always."

I let the door close in her face, trying not to feel happy that once again Kate was back in New York, back with me, where she belonged. I knew that was horribly selfish – for even though she had talked to me about not being entirely happy in DC, it was still something she wanted to pursue. And to be fired – I shuddered, knowing that this was going to be something we were going to have to work through at her pace and in her time. Kate was a complicated, complex woman – even after being together for nearly eighteen months, there were still parts of her I didn't know, parts she didn't share. I proposed because I loved her and I wanted to spend my life with her – but there were still things we needed to talk about, issues and feelings that needed to be sorted through. And now she had been fired from her dream job – this only added another layer to our complicated relationship. Well, I had never wanted predictable, right?

I crept to the study and wasn't surprised to find it empty – I had fully expected Kate to retreat to our bedroom. I expected to find her curled up under the covers, waiting for me to wrap my arms around her, comfort her either with words or caresses or sex. But the sight that met my eyes when I opened the door made me stop and stare.

"What are you doing?"

"Packing."

"I can see that." I watched in silence as she pulled some of her clothes from my bottom drawer and threw them in a duffle bag. "Where are you going?"

She dropped a sweater in the bag and turned to pull open one of my drawers. "You mean, where are WE going."

My heart began to race. "I'm going with you?"

She threw a couple pair of my boxers into the bag before she turned to face me. "How long is that yoga retreat you sent everyone on?"

I groaned. "They'll be back tomorrow night."

She nodded. "Exactly." Her hand grasped the handle of my jeans drawer but I stopped her by placing my hand over hers.

"Stop – what are you thinking?"

Her hand trembled under mine and I knew that she was just barely holding herself together. "Rick, do you remember when you wanted to take me somewhere safe and I said-" she swallowed.

"That you'd never be safe?"

She nodded slowly as she turned and threw herself against my chest. "I'm always safe with you – you keep me safe." She buried her face in shirt.

"What are you thinking, Kate?"

"I'm thinking that in twenty-four hours this loft is going to be very crowded and everyone is going to be asking questions about what I'm still doing here and I really don't want to deal with all that right now. I just want you to take me somewhere safe – where we can be alone with each other and we can talk and make love and-" her voice grew shaky and I held her tighter. "Do you know a place like that, Rick?"

I smiled. "I think I do."

* * *

Kate didn't speak one word on the drive to my house in the Hamptons.

There would have been a time in the not too distant past where her silence would have eaten at me and I would have filled the silence with wisecracks designed to wear her down, that in the 'good old days' had her calling me a wise ass. But we had come so far since then and I understood my Kate so much better now. I knew that she wasn't shutting me out – she was simply processing everything that had happened in the last few hours and that when she had it sorted out in her head, she would seek me out. In the beginning of our relationship, I had taken her silence and withdrawal as signs that she didn't trust me and was keeping secrets but now I realized that this was just who Katharine Beckett was. I didn't want to change her – I was just extremely honored that she had chosen me to spend the rest of her life with.

When I finally pulled up in front of the house, Kate stirred as if she had been sleeping and looked over at me in surprise. "We're here already?"

I smiled. "Time flies when you're deep in thought."

She flushed. "I'm sorry-"

I placed my finger against her lips. "Don't be, Kate. I understand."

Her eyes widened as she captured my hand in hers. "You're not mad?"

I shook my head. "I know you'll talk to me when you're ready."

I'd called my neighbor Janet and she'd opened the house for the grocery delivery man and had opened the windows downstairs to air the place out. Kate took our bags and my lap top upstairs as I inspected the contents of the kitchen. I pulled out some vegetables and chicken for pasta and had just started chopping when Kate appeared in one of her running outfits, her hair in a high ponytail.

"I'm going for a run on the beach."

I nodded. "You have your cell?"

"Yes, dad." She rolled her eyes as she patted her pocket.

I pointed the knife at her. "Hey, do I need to remind you that the first time we stayed here, a dead man fell in our pool? I don't want you jogging anywhere without your phone."

She came around the island and wound her arms around my neck. "I promise if I find any bodies, I'll call you."

"Ha ha, very funny. Don't be gone too long. Dinner will be ready in about an hour."

"Sounds good. I love you."

I turned my head in time to catch her cheek with my lips. "Love you too."

* * *

I was glad I had waited to see Kate reenter the house before cooking the fresh pasta, because she was late. Twenty minutes past her hour deadline and I felt that itch between my shoulder blades that told me I needed to go find her. She wasn't answering her phone but reception on the beach was sketchy so that wasn't a reason to call the police yet. She could have just run further than she thought and it was taking longer to get back. I was trying to calm my racing heart as I stepped out on the deck and scanned the beach.

"Hi."

I jumped at the sound of her voice, and relief followed by anger flooded through me at the sight of her sitting safe and sound on one of the deck chairs. "Kate! Where have you – do you know what time-" I swallowed my protests, knowing that I sounded more like a father than a fiancé. The sight of tear tracks on her face made me feel like a heel and I crossed the deck quickly, dropping into the opposite chair. "What's wrong?"

She waved her phone in the air. "I just got off the phone with my dad."

"Is something wrong with Jim?"

She shook her head. "No, he's fine – I just told him about – you know."

I reached across the space between us and took her hand.

"I wasn't going to tell anyone yet but he's left two messages already so I had to call him back and he knew something was wrong just from the tone of my voice, you know? He's worse than you because he's my dad," Kate gave me a small smile as a few more tears escaped.

"What did he say?"

"What could he say? He's sorry it didn't work out but he's sure I'll land on my feet and that something even better will come along."

I nodded. "He's right. You, Katharine Beckett, are an extraordinary woman and any law enforcement agency in the country would be lucky to have you-"

"Rick, stop." Kate tore her hand from mine and got up. She began to pace. "You don't know that things are going to work out-"

"Yes, I do-"

"No, you don't! Stop being so damn optimistic about everything and look at things as they really are!"

I swallowed back my retort and waited.

"I got fired today, Castle. That is now in my permanent work file and believe me; future employers are going to have a hard time overlooking it."

"Surely Gates will-"

Kate waved my words away. "Even Iron Gates will have to pull a hell of a lot of favors to get me reinstated at the twelfth – and who says she will want me back? This was the opportunity of a lifetime and she told me not to blow it. Well, guess what? I fucking blew it, Castle!"

I jumped up and grabbed her shoulders. "Stop it, Kate. You didn't blow anything! You were offered a dream job and you took it – and despite the misgivings you had about the shades of gray and the fact that you were low man on the totem pole and had to prove yourself to your colleagues, you were in your element, am I right?"

"Castle, what does this have to do-"

"Am I right?"

Kate nodded.

"Then a case brings you back to New York – to the twelfth, to the boys, to ME – but most importantly to the victims – and suddenly your course of action was clear."

She knocked my hands off her shoulders and backed up a step. "Clear? CLEAR? I was never more conflicted in my life! I knew what could happen if I gave you that thumb drive but I did it anyway – and then when nothing happened, it gave me just enough courage to think that maybe I wouldn't get caught when I leaked that info to the press."

"Do you regret it?"

"What?"

"Leaking the info and saving her life?"

"Of course not."

"And how did it make you feel?" I closed the distance between us. "Saving her life, catching that murderer?"

Her eyes fluttered shut. "That's not the point, Rick. I got justice for the victim and helped her move on – that's what's important."

I wound my arms around her waist and pulled her against me hard, fighting a grin as she gasped. "And how did you feel in DC when that bigwig got off without as much as a slap on the wrist when I almost died?"

Kate's eyes opened and met mine. "Furious – I feel like I didn't get justice for you or any of those victims."

Knowing my next words were dangerous but needed to be said, I took a deep breath. "So, maybe the job in DC wasn't the right fit for you?"

"What the hell, Castle?" She struggled in my hold but I was prepared and held on tight.

"Please let me explain."

She snorted at me but went still in my arms.

"You are about justice, Katharine Houghton Beckett soon-to-be Castle, just as your mother was. She fought for those wrongly accused – but you fight for the victims, those who are no longer able to speak for themselves. And even though you've built up walls and have a tough exterior I know you take each and every one of your cases personally. No case is cold – no case is over until it's solved. You never give up, never stop coming until the bastard is behind bars. These qualities may be what I patterned Nikki Heat after but more importantly, they are the core of who you are and why I fell in love with you."

"Rick-" Kate's voice was thick with unshed tears as she lifted her hands to cup my face.

"So I do know that everything's going to be all right because you're a fighter and you're tough. You've survived bombs, freezing to death, drowning, and a bullet to the heart, just to name a few. You're not going to let a little something like getting fired slow you down-" my words were cut off by her lips and I opened my mouth to hers, sinking into her embrace.

"Take me to bed, Rick," she panted against my lips.

I grinned. "What about dinner?"

She jumped and wrapped her legs around my waist. "I'm not hungry for food."

"What do you want?" I growled, as my hands trailed up her thighs and back to cup her ass.

"You."

* * *

My eyes fluttered open and I found myself alone in bed. Groaning, I reached out a hand and felt the sheets; they were cool to the touch.

Sitting up, I called out, "Marco!"

"Polo," Kate whispered as she came in the door carrying a tray full of food and two steaming mugs of what I hoped was coffee. "This pasta is amazing."

"Pasta for breakfast?"

She laughed. "It's noon, Castle." She set the tray on the bed between us and climbed back into bed, shedding the robe she was wearing.

I pouted. "You're wearing too many clothes."

"It's just a T-shirt and if I was naked, I wouldn't get anything to eat."

"Didn't seem to bother you last night."

"I wasn't hungry for food last night." Her stomach rumbled and she smiled. "I am now."

I reached for a fork and twirled some fettuccine around, lifting it toward her face. She took the bite, moaning as she chewed. "Good?"

She nodded as she twirled more and held it out to me. I nodded and smiled. "It would have been better last night but it's pretty good today."

She tossed a piece of broccoli at my head. "So we should have postponed our-"

I grabbed her wrist and licked a path up to her palm. "No, we should never postpone that."

She moaned even as she moved away. "Castle, please. I'm really hungry."

I held my hands up in surrender. "Fine, food now. Play time later."

She laughed and my heart swelled at the sound. I didn't dare hope that she would be feeling this light-hearted so soon. Our coupling last night had been frantic and fierce and we had both dropped into exhaustion afterwards, leaving no more time for talking. I didn't know where her head was – I wasn't sure what she was really thinking about her unemployment status.

Fifteen minutes later, the empty tray was on the floor and Kate was back in my arms, sans shirt. I was enjoying the feel of her skin against mine, and the fact that we could breathe in sync when she propped her chin on my chest and looked me in the eye.

"We need to talk."

I brushed some hair back from her eyes. "About what?"

"Us."

My heart rate sped up at her serious expression. "What is it? Are you saying-"

She searched my eyes for a moment before giving me her smile. "Rick, I love you. I'm not going anywhere. In fact-" she rolled off me to reach a hand out to the nightstand, picking up her chain. "I think it's past time we made it official, don't you?"

I watched in stunned silence as she opened the clasp and dropped my engagement ring into the palm of her hand. She placed the chain with her mother's ring back on the stand and turned to me, holding the ring out.

"Kate, are you sure? Once I put this back on your finger, I don't want you taking it off again. Are you sure you're ready for all this means? The crazy press – the headlines 'Richard Castle marries Nikki Heat'- "

My words were once again cut off by hers as she pressed the ring into my hand. "I'm sure, Rick. I love you – you're my one and done."

I let my forehead rest against hers as I slipped the ring onto her finger. "You are my one and only, Kate."

Her eyes flew to mine and I saw the insecurity still lurking there.

"Go on, say it. I know you want to: how many other women have I said that to?"

Kate bit her lip but remained silent.

"The answer is none – I've never said that to anyone but you, Kate."

She gasped. "But, how is that possible? You've got two ex-wives-"

I sighed as I pulled her back down to the bed with me. Kate snuggled into my side and I captured her left hand, playing with the ring on her finger. "Meredith was little more than a one night stand." Kate flinched against me and I tightened my hold, praying that my honesty would pay off and not drive us apart. "I mean, we had gone out a couple of times before, socially, but we had only had sex that one time and I used a condom. So when she turned up pregnant and claimed it was mine you can understand why I didn't believe her. I insisted on a paternity test and it was done as part of the amniocentesis – and yes, Alexis is mine. I got pressure from my publisher at the time as well as my mother, believe it or not, to do the right thing and marry Meredith, so we went to Atlantic City one weekend and eloped."

Kate laughed. "Please tell me you didn't go to an Elvis chapel."

"Please, Kate, give me a little credit. As far as I was concerned it was my first and only wedding. I wasn't going to cheapen it like that-"

"Oh, so Atlantic City wasn't cheap?"

"Hey, ask me that question again in a few months when mother is driving you nuts with place settings and flowers and colors and-"

"Point taken. Go on."

"Well, you've met Meredith. She's pushy and crazy but she's also fun and uh-"

"Do NOT finish that sentence."

"Ok, well, in other words, marriage to her wasn't that bad but it wasn't good either. She spent my money like water – and that's saying something. As soon as Alexis was born, she was away on auditions and left me with a newborn." I fell silent.

"What happened?"

"She cheated on me – probably more than once. I came home from a book tour when Alexis was two and found her in bed with her lawyer. So that was the end of that marriage."

Kate was tracing a pattern on my chest and it was becoming difficult to concentrate. "And Gina?"

I huffed a weak laugh. "I've told you about Gina – I was her 'project'. Alexis was ten and I was reverting to my playboy image so Gina was hired by Black Pawn to clean up my image. She decided to see if she could 'fix' this little boy and his little girl – and I thought Alexis could use a mother figure."

"She fell in love with you."

"I guess she did."

"So what went wrong with her?"

I sighed. "I guess I didn't let her in – I was selfish. I wouldn't share Alexis' love and attention and that hurt Gina horribly so she left. She told me I was a great writer but a lousy husband. Of course, I didn't figure this out on my own – Gina told me all this just last year."

Kate's fingers stopped. "So how do you know it will work with us?"

The insecurity I heard in her voice was like a bullet to my heart. I rolled her beneath me and stared into her eyes – eyes that I would spend a lifetime trying to figure out what color they were.

"Because none of them were you; I love you, Kate. I loved Meredith as the mother of my child and I loved Gina as a friend – but you are the first woman who has gotten under my skin and I know I can't live without you." My fingers traced the faint scar over her heart.

Kate sighed. "When you were given twenty-four hours to live – I want you to know that I wouldn't have been OK without you."

I started slightly. "You overheard my conversation with Agent McCord?"

Kate nodded. "I would have been far from OK."

I cupped her cheek. "I know."

"When I saw you on the ground unconscious and I thought that was it, that you were-"

"I know."

"The anger just coursed through me and I understood the need to avenge someone's murder – because if you had died, I wouldn't have stopped until your murderer had paid the price. And then the man responsible gets off scot free?" Kate was crying in my arms now. "It's not right, Castle. That's not justice."

I rolled to my side, pulling her against me. "Shh, Kate." My arms tightened as the sobs shook her body and I didn't know if she was crying for nearly losing me, for her lost job, or the lost justice for the victims. Perhaps she was crying for all of it.

Soon her sobs subsided and she was kissing the skin of my neck. "I love you, Rick."

"Love you too, Kate."

"Show me."

* * *

"You know, I'm homeless now as well as unemployed."

I saved my document and looked up from my laptop to see Kate walking into the study from the kitchen, holding out a glass of wine to me. I took it from her fingers, kissing the back of her hand before letting it go. "You'll never be homeless as long as we're together."

She snorted. "I think the loft is a little crowded right now."

I groaned. "I don't know when my home became a refugee camp for fruit loops."

She tilted her head. "I thought Pi was a fruitarian."

I waved her words away. "Same thing."

Kate laughed. "Hungry?"

My eyes raked her curves. "Always."

She slapped my shoulder. "For food, Castle."

"I could eat."

Over the candlelit dinner of filet mignon and baked potato, Kate dropped another bombshell. "I'm thinking about going back to law school."

"That's great!" I smiled, lifting my glass in a toast. "What made you think about that?"

"Something you said yesterday about fighting for the victims – and maybe it's time to think about a new career direction. What do you think?"

I swallowed. "I think it's a great idea. Kate Beckett, attorney at law."

She shook her head. "No, Kate Castle."

I nearly dropped my fork. "You'd take my name?"

She grinned. "You have a problem with that, Castle?"

"No! No, I just thought-" at her frown, I hastened to put into words what I was thinking. "You're such an independent woman that I never thought you'd want to change your name. Besides, if you're going into law, I thought you'd want to keep the name of Beckett, you know, keep your mom's legacy alive."

Kate dropped her napkin on the table and came around to sit in my lap. "But that's exactly why I want to change it. My mom had her own legacy and I want to build mine – does that make any sense?"

I nodded.

"I mean, I still believe that one day you and I will get Bracken but I don't want it to consume our lives. I want to marry you and have a life with you, maybe even have Castle babies one day-"

"Wait, what? Castle babies?"

"Yeah – I thought you wanted that option."

"I do – but it's not a deal breaker. Kate, if you don't want kids-"

She leaned in and kissed me, soft and slow. "I'm warming up to the idea – but I may need some convincing."

I pulled her against me, making her moan in pleasure. "Oh, I think I've proven to you that I'm pretty good at the art of persuasion."

Kate's mouth hovered less than an inch from mine and her breath fanned my face. "Prove it."

* * *

**October 7, 2017**

"Why does AJ always go down better for you than me?" I pouted as Kate slid the slippers off her feet and turned down the covers so she could slide beneath them.

She looped an arm around my waist and rested her head on my chest. "Oh, maybe it's because I don't act out all the stories and get him all riled up when he's supposed to be getting ready to sleep?" she laughed.

"Hey! That's the way I was put to bed every night! You try growing up with a dramatic mother," I huffed.

Kate giggled. "Poor baby." She dropped a kiss on my skin.

"How are you doing? You didn't say what the deal was-"

"Five to ten – but he's going to flip and give us info on Brady."

I sat up, clutching Kate around the shoulders. "Brady – as in Bracken's number two? Kate, this is great news!"

She nodded. "I know."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing – I'm just trying not to get too excited. I mean, something could still go wrong. One of Bracken's hired hit men could still get to the guy in lock up or-"

I kissed her. "Kate, just for tonight, let's not think about Brady, Bracken, or any other ghosts from the past, all right? Remember, one day we'll get him."

Kate kissed me back, hot and fierce. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She pulled away from me and jumped out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

"I bought you something today."

My eyebrow quirked. "You did? The woman who can't get used to being rich?"

"Hey, it's different when I get to shop for my boys." She handed me a box. "Open it."

I looked down at a pair of running shoes. "Seriously? What am I supposed to do with these? Oh, I get it – these are so I can catch AJ, right?"

Kate was biting her lip fiercely, trying to contain her laughter. "Well, that's a good idea too – but you'll really need them in a few months."

"Why will I –" my breath left my lungs. "Kate, are you-"

She nodded, her eyes bright. "You knocked me up again, Castle."

I threw the shoes aside and pulled my wife in my arms, covering her face and neck with kisses.

"You're happy?" she asked breathlessly, finally pulling away.

"Happy?" I echoed. "Kate, I'm delirious, ecstatic, giddy, over the moon-"

"All right, Writer boy, I want my husband back," Kate laughed.

I cupped her face. "Oh, he's here. How about you, Kate? Are you happy?"

She pecked my lips. "Always."

* * *

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